Sahab Aur Unke Aache Mitra

Ek Sahab apne ek mitra ko berang patra dwara kewal apni khairiyat bheja karte the.Ekbar uske dost ne uske pas ishi prakar ka ek bara sa parcel bheja kholne par pata chala ki usme ek bhut bada patthar rakha hai .Jis par ek kagaj chipka tha aur us par likha tha - Tumhari kharriyat pakar mere manse itna bada bhoj utar gaya.

Do Sharabi In Bus

Do Sharabi nashe me duth ek bus me chadh gaye.Ek ki najar pass khare ek vardidhari par pari-Unme se ek uski teraf kiraye ke paise badhakar ticket namngne laga. Vardidhari ne uttar diya,"maf kijiye main yeh akm nahin kar sakta,main navy me musafir hu n.

Mang Me Sindur

"Tum apni mang me hare rang ka sindur kyun lagati ho.Vivahit istriya to apni mang lal sindur se bharti hai?"

"Mere pati railway me engine driver hai,Jab main lal sindur lagati hun to wah mujhe dekhkar ruk jate hai.Isliye main hara sindur lagati huntaki wah mujhe dekh ke aage bad aaye."

A Sahab And His Child

Ek sahab cycle par ja rahe the. Cycle ke peeche unka bachcha ro reha tha.Unko rota dekh kar rahgir ne un sahab ko keha - Kamal hai,Aapka bachcha ro reha hai aur aap bedharak chale ja rahe hai.


Cycle sawar ne kahan-Bachche ko jabardasti rulaya gya hai kyunki cycle me ghanti nahin hai.

A Motorcycle Accident

Yeh hath me patti kaise bandhi hai?

Motor accident ho gya tha.

Ushi me yeh chot lagi.

Nahin to mujhe kharoach bhi nahi lagi-Parantu ek rahgir ko dhakka lag gya tha.
Rahgir ko dhakka lag gya tha.

Phir yeh pattiya kaisi hain.

Kal wah rahgir rashte me mil gya tha.

One Gentlemen In Switzerland

Ek Navyuvak ne switzerland se apne kanjus sasur ke liye ek coat bheja,jiski kimat 500 rupee thi.Parantu kahin uski phijulkharchi se sasur naraj na ho jaye usne coat ki kimat kam likhi yani 100 rupee.Kuch din bad damad ko telegram mila- Do darjan coat aur bhej do maine us coat ko yehan 200 rupee me bech diya.

Kavi Sammelan

Kabi sammelan me ek kabi mahasay apni kavita suna rahe the aur stage ke neeche ek sahab apne hath me danda liye teji se tehal rahe the aakhir kabi mahasay se na reha gaya aur wah bol uthe - Bas Jnab ! Yeh antim puncti sunakar baith reha hun.


Wah sahab turant bole:'Nahi sahab aap to hamare mehman hai aap to apni kavita sauk se sunaiye main to us vyakti ko doondh reha hun jisne apko bulaya hai.

Rahgir And Beggar

Rahgir - Tum Bheekh kyun mangte ho? Yeh bura kam hai

Bhikhari -Kya apne kabhi bheekh mangi hai?

Rahgir -Nahi

Rahgir- Phir yeh bataye ki apko kaise malum hua ki yeh bura kam hai

A Thief and Cop

Ek Chor tejji se dorta hua galli ke mor par khare sipahi se tkra gya,sipahi ne ushe datte hue kahan - Kaun ho?

Pehle to chor ghabraya phir bhagte huai bola - Chor


Sipahi usse bhagte dekh hanskar bola-Ajeeb pagal aadmi hai Police se majak karta hai.

Santa and Doctor love same girl

A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.

Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.

Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??

Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

An 46 Old Man's Birthday

A 46yr old man gets a facelift for his birthday.when he left he went to the newspaper stand an asked how old do i look. he replied 26 , the man said thanks but im 46. he then went to a butcher's shop asked the same question, the butcher said 29 the old man said thanks but im 46, he then went and asked a old women how old do i look, she said im 88yrs old and have a bad eyesight but i can tell how old someone is by putting my hand down their trousers for 15 minutes. the man accepted and let her have a feel . 15 minutes later she took her hand out and said your 46 , the man said thats amazing ho did you know, she replied i was behind you in the butcher's shop .

Adhyapak & His Disciples

Aadhyapak : Duniya goalhai ke tin example do.

Vidhyarthi: Mera pita bhi yehi kahte hai,ma bhi yahi kahte hai, Aur Aap bhi yahi kah
rahe hain..........

Mother & Child

Child :- Hi I am an owl.

Mother :-You dont look like a happy owl.

Child :-Hope I'm not

May be some lunch would help.

Child:- I dont it. I dont like mice.

Mother:- This is a soup.

Child :- Is it Mouse soup?
I dont like Mice.

I weard you.Its tomato.

Conversation B/W Ram & Mohan

Ram : Hame Aisa Neta Chahiye
Jo Hame 21 Sadi Me Le Jaye

Mohan : Jabki Hamare Neta To Hamesha 17 Sadi Ki Masjid,2000 Sal Purane Pul
Aur Ram Rajya Ki Hi Bat Karte Rahte Hain.


Mohan ( again) : Samaj Me Nahin Aata Chunao Ke Liye Kahan Se Khade Ho Rahe Hain
Mohanejodaro Se Kya ?...................

A Sampadak & Lekhika

Sampadak :- Apki kahani to achchi hai,lekin apki likhawat nahi padhi jati,apne ishe type kyon nahin kar liya.

Lekhika:- Agar maine type karna janti, to kahani kar nahin hoti,kya main typist na hoti?..................

A Conversation B/W Journalists & Actor

Journalists :- Aap Rajniti me kyon aana chahte hai .

Actor :- Shayad filmo me mere doobte hue carrier ko isse faida .

Journalists:- Lekin ab filmo me kyon koshish kar rahe hain.

Actor :- Kya Pata iski wajah se mujhe agle chunao me ticket mil jaye

Three Friends Conversation

3 Dost Hote Hai
Billu ,Kallu And Ullu

Billu : 8th me padh raha hai

Kallu : 9th me padh reha hai

Ullu: sms padh reha hai

Conversation B/W Father & Son

Father : Son ,are you ready for tomorrow's examination ?

Son : Yes, Daddy My shoes are polished, my shirt and trouser are ironed,
There is ink in my pen too, But I have yet to study.

A Lady On Diet

Baker ( to the lady customer): Madam ,shall I cut the cake in to 6 pieces or 12
pieces ?

Lady : Cut it into 4 pieces only,for I am on diet.

Postman and Farmer

Postman (to a farmer):Sir i had to travel 10 km to give you this letter.

Farmer : How stupid? Can you post it ?

98 Years Old

Old man Santa limped into the doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!”
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, “Mr. Santa, just how old are you?”
“98!” Joe announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . .
Finally he said, “Sir, […]

Santa Ke Ghad Pe Ek Ladki

Santa ke ghar Ladki ne janam liya..

Banta: jab ladki badi hogi to ladke ise chedenge.
Santa: Maine iska intejaam kar liye hai.
Banta: kya kiya?



Santa: Ladki ka naam DIDI rakh diya hai.

US Soldier & Nurse

Dying U.S soilder : if I culd
kiss american flag before I
die.

Nurse: I hav a tatoo of it on
my butt, he kisses it n says
now turn arund so dat i can
kiss Bush 2

Santa Confesses To His Wife

'Before we get married,' said Santa to his fiancee,'I want to confess some affairs I've had in the past.'

'But you told me all about those a couple of weeks ago,' replied the girl.

'Yes, darling,' Santa explained, 'but that was a couple of weeks ago.'

Sardar Bhai and Cricket Match

Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest...

First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji's off-stump. Sardarji doesn't move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji's bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again unmoved.

Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn't move a muscle.

Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!"

Sardarji walks up to the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it now!You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!"

Santa and English men

Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

Sardar in United Kingdom

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady came and asked
him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No
Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was
totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw
another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am
relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, Sab
tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "
(Translation ... Idiot everyone is looking for you and you are
relaxing here

Santa Family during his tour........

After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldnt understand hindi had occupied his sons birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained,
That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child.

Friendship of Rs 1/-

Maine pani mai ek sikka dala,
or bhagwan se pyara se ek dost ki khwahish ki,
aur mujhe aap mil gaye or haan

saath mai ek awaj aayi
ek rupaye mai aisi hi milta hai

Rango Ka Tyohar - Holi

Rango ke tyohar mein sabhi rango ki ho bharmar,
Dher saari khushiyon se bhara ho aapka sansar,
Yahi dua hai bhagwan se hamari har bar,
Holi Mubarak ho mere yaar!

Holi - Festival Of Colours

Saade rang ko galti se aap naa kora samjho,
Isi mey samaaye indradhanushi saaton rang,
Jo dikhe aapko zindagi saadagi bhari kisi ki,
To aap yun samjho satrangi hai duniya usiki,
Holi aayi satrangi rango ki bouchar laayi,
Dher saari mithai aur mitha mitha pyar laayi,
Aap ki zindagi ho mithe pyar aur khusiyon se bhari,
Jisme samaaye saaton rang yahi shubhkamna hai hamaari.

Baniya Aur Uski Paini..............................

Baniya : Kal tumhare mayke jane ke baad raat ko chor aa gaye. Unhone
mujhe khub pita aur murga bhi bana diya.
Wife : To kya aapne shor nahi machaya.
Baniya : Mein kya darpok hu jo shor machaunga!!

Happy Holi Sms.....................

Gul ne gulshan se gulfam bheja hai,
Sitaro ne aasman se salaam bheja hai,
Mubaraq ho aapko holi ka tyohar,
Humne dil se yeh advance mein
paigam bheja hai.

Malkin Aur Naukrani..........................

Naukarani: malkan ap udaas kyun hai
Malkan: tumhare sahab office ki kisi larki se payyar karte hai
Naukarani: nahiiiiin, sahab mujhe dokha nahi de sakte.

Sardar Appears In A Exam............................

Once Sardar came to know that the essay "My Friend" will be in his English language exams.But when he sits in the exam the essay was "My Father"....So he was confused alot but after a moment he got one very good idea. He thought hmmm I replace word friend to word father in essay. So What he writes:
I have many fathers but Dara singh is my best father. He often comes to my house.We do every work together.My mom also likes him very much. we paly together with mom...hahaha
and he writes in the result:
"A father in need is a father indeed"

Santa & Banta Search A Bomb...........................

Santa and Banta find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station.
"What if one of them explodes before we get there?" asks Banta.
"Don’t worry about it," says Santa. "We’ll just lie and tell them we only found two."

Sardar in an interview............................

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer.

Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.

Following is the transcript :

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then

you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.

Officer started asking questions

O : Above
S : Below

O : Front
S : Back

O : Left
S : Right

O : Male
S : Female

O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)

O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......(Our sardar also shouts)

#Officer is now angry.

O : Get out
S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected ........ ....... and This is how Santa Singh gothis job.

Identity Of The " VALENTINE ".........................

V= Valentine ; you are my only Valentine
A= i will Always be yours
L= Love at its most extreme
E= Everlasting love ; Ecstatic love.
N= Never-ending love
T= we will Always be Together forever
I= you being Intelligent and Innocent;
N= Natures naughty way of saying I luv you to
E= Eternity our love is so ever lasting.

"Mera Man "

Tumhe Ji bhar ke chumne do ,
Tumhe ji bhar ke pyar karne ko,


kyon karta hai mera man?

Tumhe apna banane ko,
Tumhe saso me basane ko,

kyon karta hai mera man ?


Tumhe bahon me bharne ko,
Tumhekhwabo me dekhne ko,

kyon karta hai mera man ?

Santa & His Slam Book

1.Strength: My wife, Jeeto.
2.Weakness: Banta’s wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour!!!

I'm sending out some cards................

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Rango ka Tyohar- "Holi"

Lal, gulabi, neela, pila hathon me liya samet,
Holi ke din rangenge sajni, kar ke meethi bhent.

Rango mein ghuli ladki kya laal gulabi hai,
Jo dekhta hai kehta hai kya maal gulabi hai,
Pichle baras tune jo bhigoya tha holi mein,
Ab tak nishani ka woh rumaal gulabi hai

When Santa Rides a Horse

Santa horse par ja raha tha.

Voh red light jump karta hai.

Police vala siti bajata hai.

Santa ghode ki tail opar kar ke kehata hai: Le karle number note.

Valetine Day Special.......................""

IF A BUTTERFLY COMES CLOSE TO U"

IF A PERFUME ROSE TOUCHES YOUR FACE ,

IF YOUR MOBILE SOUNDS ON NICE TUNE "

"MIND" ITS ME , DESIRES TO TELL YOU........



"""""HAPPY VALENTINE DAY """"""

******************************************************************

Mayavati and Monkey

Mayawati ik ped pe chadi. Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aayi?

Mayawati: Apple khane.

Monkey: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.

Mayawati: Pata hai, Apple saath laayi hoon.

A Sardar & his Wife

A sardar had a baby after 3 months of marriage. He suspected
and asked to his wife, “Ye 3 month me hi baccha kaise hua?”

Wife Replied : Tumhari shaadi ko kitne din hue?
Sardar : Three months

Wife : Aur meri shaadi ko?
Sardar : 3 months.

Wife : Aur bacha kitne month ke baad?
Sardar : 3 months.

Wife : Total kitne months hue?
Sardar : Oye 9 months & start dancing Balle Balle!!!!

*************************************************************

Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho

Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Santa: Suicide karne ke liye

Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye.

Santa at medical college

Santa Applied to a medical college But he never made it because, these were his Answers:

Antibody: One who hates his body

Artery: Study of fine paintings

Bacteria: Back door of a cafeteria

Coma: Punctuation Mark

Gall Bladder: Bladder of a girl

Genes: Blue Denim

Labour pain: Hurt at work.

मुझसे शादी करोगी

एक फिल्म अभिनेत्री 15 वें माले पर स्थित अपने आवास की बालकनी में रेलिंग पर खड़ी अपने प्रशंसकों का अभिवादन कर रही थी कि अचानक संतुलन खो बैठी और नीचे गिरने लगी। 12 वें माले की रेलिंग पर खड़े हुये एक नौजवान ने उसे अपनी बांहों में पकड़ लिया और पूछा - ''मुझसे शादी करोगी ?''
''कभी नहीं''- अभिनेत्री ने नफरत से जवाब दिया । ''तो जाओ मरो!'' कहकर नौजवान ने उसे छोड़ दिया और वह फिर नीचे गिरने लगी।
11 वें माले पर खड़े एक अधेड़ ने हाथ बढ़ाकर उसे फिर पकड़ लिया और पूछा - ''मेरी प्रेमिका बनोगी ?''
''हर्गिज नहीं!'' उसका इतना कहना था कि इस आदमी ने भी उसे छोड़ दिया। बेचारी अभिनेत्री को अब मौत साक्षात नजर आने लगी। वह ईश्वर से एक और मौका देने की प्रार्थना करने लगी कि तभी आठवें माले पर खड़े एक आदमी ने उसका हाथ पकड़ लिया।
''मैं तुमसे शादी कर लूंगी......! मैं तुम्हारी प्रेमिका बनूंगी.....! रखैल बनूंगी ! सब कुछ करूंगी!'' अभिनेत्री आदमी के कुछ बोलने के पहले ही भयातुर होकर कहने लगी।

''बदचलन औरत..... !'' आदमी ने कहा और हाथ छोड़ दिया।

Adult Jokes

Girlfriend Ko I LUV U Bolna Hai?
Balance Khatam ?
Ab Kya Karoge ?
Kabutar K Gale
Mein Bandh K
CHITTHI Bhejoge ?
Nahi Na……….
Main Batata Hoon
Kya Karna Hai….
Girlfriend Ka Number Mujhe
De Doge Main I LUV U Bol deta Hoon!

Funny Jokes

1st gadha-yaar mein jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hu vo mujhe bahut marta hai.
2nd gadha-tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata.1st gadha-kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut sunder ladki hai.vo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki teri shadi kisi gadhe se kar dunga.bas yeh soch kar ruka hua hu

Banta goes to watch dance

Banta mujra dekhne gaya, Sari raat mujra dekhta raha

Bai: Saheb humne aap ko khush kiya, Ab aap hamein khush karo.

bantadance.jpg

Toh banta utha aur khud nachne laga.

संता और बंता

संता बंता जीप में बैठकर कहीं जा रहे थे तभी जीप एक पेड़ से जाकर टकराई और पलट गई।

संता (बंता से)- चीख-चीख कर कह रहा था मेरा हाथ कट गया! मेरा हाथ कट गया!

बंता (संता से)- क्यों चीख रहे हो, उधर ड्राइवर को देखो उसका तो सर कट गया है मगर वह तुम्हारी तरह शोर मचा रहा है क्या?