A young deaf-mute couple gets married. At first, they have sex with the lights on, in order to sign to each other.
One day, the woman asks, "Can we try to make love with the lights off?"
The man says, "OK, but how will you know when I want to make love?"
The woman says, "Well, when you're in the mood, just shake my left breast once, and I'll know. If you don't want to, shake my right breast once."
The man says, "All right. And if you want to make love to me, shake my penis once, if you do not want to make love to me, shake my penis about 50 times."
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
The World's Funniest Jokes of Office Party
John woke up after the annual office new year party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
'Louise,' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'
'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'
'He's an idiot,' John said. 'Piss on him.'
'You did', came the reply. 'And he fired you.'
'Well, screw him!' said John.
'I did. You're back to work on Monday.'
'Louise,' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'
'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'
'He's an idiot,' John said. 'Piss on him.'
'You did', came the reply. 'And he fired you.'
'Well, screw him!' said John.
'I did. You're back to work on Monday.'
Saturday, December 6, 2008
one liners and party fun jokes for christmmas
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !
How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve !
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !
Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !
Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !
How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !
Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty !
one liners and party fun jokes for christmmas
Friday, December 5, 2008
See that, baby?
A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
Source:http://www.jokes.com/
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
Source:http://www.jokes.com/
Thursday, December 4, 2008
डॉक्टर - रामू के लतीफ़े
दुर्घटना के बाद अस्पताल में भर्ती रामू ने आंखें खोली, तो डॉक्टर को सामने पाया।
डॉक्टर (रामू से)- मेरे पास तुम्हारे लिए दो खबरे हैं एक अच्छी, एक बुरी। पहले कौन-सी सुनाऊं।
रामू (डॉक्टर से)- बुरी ही सुना दीजिए।
डॉक्टर- हमें ऑपरेशन करके तुम्हारे दोनों पैर काटने पडे़ हैं।
रामू- क्या इसके बाद भी कोई अच्छी खबर हो सकती है।
डॉक्टर- हां, अच्छी खबर यह है कि वार्ड ब्वॉय तुम्हारे जूतों को अच्छी कीमत देकर खरीदना चाहता है।
डॉक्टर (रामू से)- मेरे पास तुम्हारे लिए दो खबरे हैं एक अच्छी, एक बुरी। पहले कौन-सी सुनाऊं।
रामू (डॉक्टर से)- बुरी ही सुना दीजिए।
डॉक्टर- हमें ऑपरेशन करके तुम्हारे दोनों पैर काटने पडे़ हैं।
रामू- क्या इसके बाद भी कोई अच्छी खबर हो सकती है।
डॉक्टर- हां, अच्छी खबर यह है कि वार्ड ब्वॉय तुम्हारे जूतों को अच्छी कीमत देकर खरीदना चाहता है।
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Santa Banta on High Capacity Bus
Santa and Banta landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a high capacity bus. Santa somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta.
He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta!
What the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "
He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta!
What the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Santa`s Clients
Santa was in coats but unfortunately business was very bad.
One day his partner Banta said to him, “What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They’re last year’s style and even though we’ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each, we still can’t sell any.”
Santa replied, “Use your head, Banta. Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each. But here’s the plan. Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats. If I know them, my clients will think we’ve made a mistake. They’ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000.”
“What a terrific idea,” said Banta. “I’ll send them out today.”
Two week’s later, Banta says to Santa, “What a stupid idea it was. Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice, but only sent back four coats.”
Source:http://www.santabanta.com/jokes.asp?catid=8825
One day his partner Banta said to him, “What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They’re last year’s style and even though we’ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each, we still can’t sell any.”
Santa replied, “Use your head, Banta. Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each. But here’s the plan. Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats. If I know them, my clients will think we’ve made a mistake. They’ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000.”
“What a terrific idea,” said Banta. “I’ll send them out today.”
Two week’s later, Banta says to Santa, “What a stupid idea it was. Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice, but only sent back four coats.”
Source:http://www.santabanta.com/jokes.asp?catid=8825
Sunday, May 4, 2008
लतीफ़े
पार्क के एक कोने में बैठी एक महिला स्वेटर बुन रही थी, तभी एक आदमी उसके पास आया और बोला- वह लड़का क्या आपका है, बहुत देर से मुझ पर पानी डाल रहा है।
महिला ने मुस्कुराते हुए इत्मीनान से जवाब दिया- नहीं वह मेरा भतीजा है। मेरा लड़का तो वह है, जो आपकी साइकिल तोड़ रहा है।
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एक महिला का तलाक का मुकदमा चल रहा था। सौभाग्यवश या दुर्भाग्यवश जज भी महिला थीं।
महिला जज ने दोनों पक्षों में समझौता कराने के उद्देश्य से हरियाणवी महिला से पूछा- रामकली! तू ये बता कि तू अपने पति के साथ रहना क्यों नहीं चाहती?
रामकली छूटते ही बोली- तू रह के देख ले एक दिन साथ में।
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पत्नी (पति से)- अरे आज तुम इतनी जल्दी ऑफिस से घर कैसे आ गए?
पति (पत्नी से)- आज मेरे बॉस काफी गुस्से में थे और गुस्से में उन्होंने मुझे कहा- गो टू हेल! इसलिए मैं घर आ गया।
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रामू (डॉक्टर से)- डॉक्टर साहब! ये फूलों की माला किस के लिए?
डॉक्टर (रामू से)- ये मेरा पहला ऑपरेशन है, सफल हुआ तो मेरे लिए, नहीं तो तुम्हारे लिए।
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संता (बेटे से)- 9 को 8 से गुणा करने पर क्या परिणाम होगा।
बेटा (संता से)- 74
संता ने खुश होकर बेटे को शाबाशी दी यह देख बंता बोला यार संता तुम्हारे बेटे ने गलत जवाब दिया फिर भी तुमने उसे शाबाशी दे दी।
संता ने मुस्कुराते हुए जवाब दिया हां क्योंकि वह अपनी गलतियों में धीरे-धीरे सुधार कर रहा है कल तो उसने इसका जवाब 88 दिया था।
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महिला ने मुस्कुराते हुए इत्मीनान से जवाब दिया- नहीं वह मेरा भतीजा है। मेरा लड़का तो वह है, जो आपकी साइकिल तोड़ रहा है।
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एक महिला का तलाक का मुकदमा चल रहा था। सौभाग्यवश या दुर्भाग्यवश जज भी महिला थीं।
महिला जज ने दोनों पक्षों में समझौता कराने के उद्देश्य से हरियाणवी महिला से पूछा- रामकली! तू ये बता कि तू अपने पति के साथ रहना क्यों नहीं चाहती?
रामकली छूटते ही बोली- तू रह के देख ले एक दिन साथ में।
**************************************************************************************
पत्नी (पति से)- अरे आज तुम इतनी जल्दी ऑफिस से घर कैसे आ गए?
पति (पत्नी से)- आज मेरे बॉस काफी गुस्से में थे और गुस्से में उन्होंने मुझे कहा- गो टू हेल! इसलिए मैं घर आ गया।
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रामू (डॉक्टर से)- डॉक्टर साहब! ये फूलों की माला किस के लिए?
डॉक्टर (रामू से)- ये मेरा पहला ऑपरेशन है, सफल हुआ तो मेरे लिए, नहीं तो तुम्हारे लिए।
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संता (बेटे से)- 9 को 8 से गुणा करने पर क्या परिणाम होगा।
बेटा (संता से)- 74
संता ने खुश होकर बेटे को शाबाशी दी यह देख बंता बोला यार संता तुम्हारे बेटे ने गलत जवाब दिया फिर भी तुमने उसे शाबाशी दे दी।
संता ने मुस्कुराते हुए जवाब दिया हां क्योंकि वह अपनी गलतियों में धीरे-धीरे सुधार कर रहा है कल तो उसने इसका जवाब 88 दिया था।
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Adult funny jokes
Bees and Birds
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Dead Pussy
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
Newly wed couple
this newly wed couple were on there honey moon and where about to have sex:
wife: before we do this i have something i have to tell u.
husband: we're married now, u can tell me anything.
wife: i'm flat chested.
husband: i don't believe u..prove it.
So she takes off her shirt.
husband: holy shit i never seen a smaller chest, but i have something i have to tell u too.
wife: we're married now u can tell me anything.
husband: im "weighed like a baby".
wife: i don't believe you, prove it.
So he takes off his pants.
wife: i thought u sayed u were weighed like a baby?!
husband: i am 6lbs 7ounces!
Source:http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Dead Pussy
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
Newly wed couple
this newly wed couple were on there honey moon and where about to have sex:
wife: before we do this i have something i have to tell u.
husband: we're married now, u can tell me anything.
wife: i'm flat chested.
husband: i don't believe u..prove it.
So she takes off her shirt.
husband: holy shit i never seen a smaller chest, but i have something i have to tell u too.
wife: we're married now u can tell me anything.
husband: im "weighed like a baby".
wife: i don't believe you, prove it.
So he takes off his pants.
wife: i thought u sayed u were weighed like a baby?!
husband: i am 6lbs 7ounces!
Source:http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Santa & Banta Funniest Jokes
Clients of Santa
Santa was in coats but unfortunately business was very bad.
One day his partner Banta said to him, “What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They’re last year’s style and even though we’ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each, we still can’t sell any.”
Santa replied, “Use your head, Banta. Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each. But here’s the plan. Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats. If I know them, my clients will think we’ve made a mistake. They’ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000.”
“What a terrific idea,” said Banta. “I’ll send them out today.”
Two week’s later, Banta says to Santa, “What a stupid idea it was. Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice, but only sent back four coats.”
Birthday of wife
Santa thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary.
He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to Jeetoo on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."
Jeeto was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when Santa came home, kissed her and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, where'd you get them?"
Santa was in coats but unfortunately business was very bad.
One day his partner Banta said to him, “What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They’re last year’s style and even though we’ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each, we still can’t sell any.”
Santa replied, “Use your head, Banta. Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each. But here’s the plan. Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats. If I know them, my clients will think we’ve made a mistake. They’ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000.”
“What a terrific idea,” said Banta. “I’ll send them out today.”
Two week’s later, Banta says to Santa, “What a stupid idea it was. Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice, but only sent back four coats.”
Birthday of wife
Santa thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary.
He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to Jeetoo on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."
Jeeto was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when Santa came home, kissed her and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, where'd you get them?"
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Latest Sardar Jokes - Santa Banta Jokes - Sardar Jokes - Sardar SMS Jokes - Sms Jokes - Student Teacher Jokes
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बंता (संता से)- यार संता तुम्हारा दिमाग तो सही है ? ये ऑटोरिक्शा का एक पहिया क्यों निकाल रहे हो, वापस कैसे जाओगे?
संता (बंता से)- यहां जो लिखा है क्या तुम उसे पढ़ नहीं सकते कि यह पार्किग सिर्फ दोपहिए वाहनों के लिए है।
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अध्यापक (छात्रों से)- अच्छा बच्चों ये बताओ! यदि कोई आदमी गधे को पीट रहा है और मैं उसे बचाता हूं तो मुझमें कौन सा गुण दिखता है।
छात्र (अध्यापक से)- भाईचारा।
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पत्नी का ऊपरी होंठ फट गया। डॉक्टर ने टांके लगाने के 10 रुपये मांगे। पति ने 20 रुपये का नोट दिया और दोनों होंठों पर टांके लगाने को कहकर ऑपरेशन रूम से बाहर आ गया।
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मोहन (रवि से)- यार लड़के हमेशा लड़कियों का हाथ ही क्यों मांगते हैं पैर क्यों नहीं?
रवि (मोहन से)- क्योंकि लड़कियों के हाथ में सोने की चूडि़यां, अंगुलियों में हीरे की अंगूठी और कलाई में घड़ी होती है जबकि पैर में सैंडिल और जूतियों के अलावा कुछ नहीं।
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रामू (डॉक्टर से)- डॉक्टर साहब! ये फूलों की माला किस के लिए?
डॉक्टर (रामू से)- ये मेरा पहला ऑपरेशन है, सफल हुआ तो मेरे लिए, नहीं तो तुम्हारे लिए।
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बंता (संता से)- यार संता तुम्हारा दिमाग तो सही है ? ये ऑटोरिक्शा का एक पहिया क्यों निकाल रहे हो, वापस कैसे जाओगे?
संता (बंता से)- यहां जो लिखा है क्या तुम उसे पढ़ नहीं सकते कि यह पार्किग सिर्फ दोपहिए वाहनों के लिए है।
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अध्यापक (छात्रों से)- अच्छा बच्चों ये बताओ! यदि कोई आदमी गधे को पीट रहा है और मैं उसे बचाता हूं तो मुझमें कौन सा गुण दिखता है।
छात्र (अध्यापक से)- भाईचारा।
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पत्नी का ऊपरी होंठ फट गया। डॉक्टर ने टांके लगाने के 10 रुपये मांगे। पति ने 20 रुपये का नोट दिया और दोनों होंठों पर टांके लगाने को कहकर ऑपरेशन रूम से बाहर आ गया।
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मोहन (रवि से)- यार लड़के हमेशा लड़कियों का हाथ ही क्यों मांगते हैं पैर क्यों नहीं?
रवि (मोहन से)- क्योंकि लड़कियों के हाथ में सोने की चूडि़यां, अंगुलियों में हीरे की अंगूठी और कलाई में घड़ी होती है जबकि पैर में सैंडिल और जूतियों के अलावा कुछ नहीं।
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रामू (डॉक्टर से)- डॉक्टर साहब! ये फूलों की माला किस के लिए?
डॉक्टर (रामू से)- ये मेरा पहला ऑपरेशन है, सफल हुआ तो मेरे लिए, नहीं तो तुम्हारे लिए।
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Saturday, April 5, 2008
Sardar Jokes : Funny and Humorous Jokes
Sardar jokes-Nobel prize
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?”Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”"How?” asks the man, puzzled.”Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”
Sardar jokes-Suger level
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.Wife observes the whole episode.Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this?Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
Sardar jokes-Engine failure
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines.”An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left.”A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”
Sardar jokes-Puzzle
Two Sardar walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, “51 days! 51 Days!!” About five minutes later, another Sardar walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the cheering.Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, “51 days!51 days!!The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, “What on earth are you doing??”"Well,” the Sardar says, “everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!
Sardar jokes-Going home early
Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”
Sardar jokes-Hanging for life
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn?t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, “I’ll get off.”After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.
Sardar jokes - Weight loss
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he wouldlose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,but he had a problem.”What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.I’m 2400 kms from home.
Sardar jokes-Santa in heaven
Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.2. How many seconds are there in a year?Santa thought for a few minutes and answered…1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?”Santa replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc….”Saint Peter lets him in without another word”
Sardar jokes-Santa and Banta
Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?Banta says, “Oh, about 8 to 10 feet.”The boss says, “Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you’re no miner!”On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?Santa says, “Oh sure.”The boss asks how deep underground he worked.Santa says, “I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground. “The boss says, “20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, “What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground? “Santa says, “Oh, I didn’t need a light, I worked on the day shift!”
Sardar jokes-Who dunnit
The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?No, your honor,” replied Banta, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defending. I’m the person who done it.
Sardar jokes
Santa: My wife is still scared of waterBanta: how come?Santa: yesterday when i went home, she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!———-Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300mlnow it’s 1.5 ltr.———–Nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.Santa: don’t tell my wife, i want to surprise her!
Sardar jokes-The archery contest
Once upon a time there was an archery contest.The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position…He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM…… ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!The second archer with a cape lines up in position.He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood’s arrow into two!!!He takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position… He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams:I AM…… SORRY
Santa banta sardar jokes
Santa: Wow Banta, Where did you get the cycle, from? Banta: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in this cycle and asked me -”want a ride Mr. Singh?” I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me “Mr. Singh. take anything” Santa is quite excited and asks “What did you do Santa?” Banta: I took the cycle. Santa: good show - you wouldn?t have fit into her clothes!
Short sardar jokes - santa banta
Enjoy 5 short sardar jokes !? Q: How do you recognize a Santa’s son in School?A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.? Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?Banta: Me too, after you leave.? Banta: Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our street except one.”Wife: I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Rupa at number 14.? Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.The judge said: What will you take 30 days or Rs 3000.Santa: I think I’ll take the money.? The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?No, your honor,” replied Banta, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defendin’. I’m the person who done it.
Source:http://www.sardarjokes.org
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?”Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”"How?” asks the man, puzzled.”Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”
Sardar jokes-Suger level
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.Wife observes the whole episode.Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this?Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
Sardar jokes-Engine failure
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines.”An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left.”A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”
Sardar jokes-Puzzle
Two Sardar walk into a bar, each orders a drink. They go and sit down and start toasting and cheering, “51 days! 51 Days!!” About five minutes later, another Sardar walks in, orders a drink, and joins the other two in the cheering.Finally, another Sardar walks in with what looks like a picture. He puts the picture thing in the middle of the table, and starts cheering with the others, “51 days!51 days!!The Bartender starts too get really curious, so he walks over to discover that the picture is a Puzzle. He walks over to one of the Sardar and asks, “What on earth are you doing??”"Well,” the Sardar says, “everyone thinks Sardar are so stupid, so we proved them wrong. On the box of this puzzle, it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in only 51 days!!!
Sardar jokes-Going home early
Three sardars who work in the same office notice that their boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after he leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, he never calls or comes back, so how will he know?The 1st Sardar is thrilled to get home early. he does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.The 2nd Sardar is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.The 3rd Sardar is also very happy to be home early, but as he goes upstairs he hears noises coming from his bedroom. he quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see his wife in bed with HIS BOSS! Ever so gently, he closes the door and creeps out of his house.The next day, the other two Sardar talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the 3rd Sardar if he wants to leave early also, he exclaims, “NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!”
Sardar jokes-Hanging for life
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane.Ten were sardar, and one was a girl. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn?t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the girl said, “I’ll get off.”After a really touching speech from the girl saying she would get off, all of the sardar started Clapping.
Sardar jokes - Weight loss
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he wouldlose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,but he had a problem.”What’s the problem?” asked the doctor.I’m 2400 kms from home.
Sardar jokes-Santa in heaven
Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.2. How many seconds are there in a year?Santa thought for a few minutes and answered…1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter said, “OK, I’ll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it’s not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?”Santa replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc….”Saint Peter lets him in without another word”
Sardar jokes-Santa and Banta
Santa and Banta decide to apply for jobs at a mine that had opened nearby. After sitting in the waiting room for a while, Banta gets called in for his interview.The boss asks Banta if he had worked underground mines before? Banta says that he had.The boss asks him how deep under ground he worked?Banta says, “Oh, about 8 to 10 feet.”The boss says, “Mines are a lot deeper than that, get out of here - you’re no miner!”On his way out, Banta tells Santa to tell the boss that he worked real deep underground so he could get the job. Santa gets called in.The boss asks Santa if he had worked underground mines before?Santa says, “Oh sure.”The boss asks how deep underground he worked.Santa says, “I used to work in a mine 20,000 feet underground. “The boss says, “20,000 feet, Wow! That is incredible!, “What kind of lights did you use in a mine so deep underground? “Santa says, “Oh, I didn’t need a light, I worked on the day shift!”
Sardar jokes-Who dunnit
The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?No, your honor,” replied Banta, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defending. I’m the person who done it.
Sardar jokes
Santa: My wife is still scared of waterBanta: how come?Santa: yesterday when i went home, she was in the bath tub with the security guard!!———-Santa to his wife: darling, years ago u had a figure like coke bottle.Jeeto: yes darling i still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300mlnow it’s 1.5 ltr.———–Nurse: congrats santa, you are a father.Santa: don’t tell my wife, i want to surprise her!
Sardar jokes-The archery contest
Once upon a time there was an archery contest.The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position…He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM…… ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!The second archer with a cape lines up in position.He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood’s arrow into two!!!He takes off his cape and screams: I AM…… WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position… He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams:I AM…… SORRY
Santa banta sardar jokes
Santa: Wow Banta, Where did you get the cycle, from? Banta: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in this cycle and asked me -”want a ride Mr. Singh?” I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me “Mr. Singh. take anything” Santa is quite excited and asks “What did you do Santa?” Banta: I took the cycle. Santa: good show - you wouldn?t have fit into her clothes!
Short sardar jokes - santa banta
Enjoy 5 short sardar jokes !? Q: How do you recognize a Santa’s son in School?A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.? Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?Banta: Me too, after you leave.? Banta: Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our street except one.”Wife: I’ll bet it’s that stuck-up Rupa at number 14.? Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.The judge said: What will you take 30 days or Rs 3000.Santa: I think I’ll take the money.? The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?No, your honor,” replied Banta, “I’ve got a lawyer to do the defendin’. I’m the person who done it.
Source:http://www.sardarjokes.org
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Which girlfriend should I marry?
I had three girlfriends, but wasn't sure which one to marry. So I decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.
The first one went out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and comes back to my place and says, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." I was very touched and aroused, and we had lots of great sex.
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and brings them back to me as gifts. This sweet girl looked into my eyes and said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." I watched my new television with great enjoyment!
The third one takes the $5000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returns the original $5000 to me and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." She has enough to buy me a new boat.
I thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
Source:http://www.everyjoke.com/joke/24818/which-girlfriend-should-i-marry.html
The first one went out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and comes back to my place and says, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." I was very touched and aroused, and we had lots of great sex.
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and brings them back to me as gifts. This sweet girl looked into my eyes and said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." I watched my new television with great enjoyment!
The third one takes the $5000 and invested it in the stock market, doubled her investment, returns the original $5000 to me and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." She has enough to buy me a new boat.
I thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.
Source:http://www.everyjoke.com/joke/24818/which-girlfriend-should-i-marry.html
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Home from the Air Force
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!"
And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.
"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!"
And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!"
And his dick deflated again.
"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"
The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said "Dick, ten-HUT!"
And the dick sprang to life. Then it was "Dick, at EASE!"
But nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!"
But still nothing happened. So the guy now says,"For the last time, you son-of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!"
Still nothing. Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where she found him masturbating.
"What in the world are you doing?" she asked.
The guy says, "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"
And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether.
"Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!"
And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!"
And his dick deflated again.
"Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!"
The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch this." Then he said "Dick, ten-HUT!"
And the dick sprang to life. Then it was "Dick, at EASE!"
But nothing happened. So the guy again said, "Dick, at EASE!"
But still nothing happened. So the guy now says,"For the last time, you son-of-a-bitch, I said AT EASE!!"
Still nothing. Well, the guy was embarassed and ran off to the bathroom. His wife made excuses for him and then joined her husband in the bathroom, where she found him masturbating.
"What in the world are you doing?" she asked.
The guy says, "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Funny Jokes a Couple of Nuns
Three drunk guys are sitting behind a couple of nuns at a football game (whose habits partially blocked the view).
In an effort to get te nuns to move, the men decided to badger them.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, I heard there are only 100 nuns living there."
The Second Guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns there."
The Third Guy said, "Well, I want to go to Idaho, they say there are only 25 Nuns living there."
At that, one of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you all go to hell. You won't find any nuns there."
In an effort to get te nuns to move, the men decided to badger them.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, I heard there are only 100 nuns living there."
The Second Guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns there."
The Third Guy said, "Well, I want to go to Idaho, they say there are only 25 Nuns living there."
At that, one of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you all go to hell. You won't find any nuns there."
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